Cough Syrup

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

How old are you?

Teacher: How old were you on your last birthday?

Student: Seven.

Teacher: How old will you be on your next birthday?

Student: Nine.

Teacher: That’s impossible.

Student: No, it isn’t, Teacher. I’m eight today.

35th Wedding Anniversary Wish

A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world.

The fairy waved her wand and poof the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise.

Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted.

He said; “I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me.” So the the fairy picked up her wand and poof – the husband was 90.

How do you honestly feel?

Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other,

”How do you really feel? I mean, you’re 75 years old, how do you honestly feel?”

”Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I’ve got no hair, no teeth, and I just peed myself.”

Age calculator

Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way.

Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.

After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband - "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?"

Looking over her carefully, Andy replied,...
"Judging from your skin, twenty;
your hair, eighteen;
and your figure, twenty five."

"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying...

"WHOA, hold on there sweety!" Andy interrupted.

"I haven't added them up yet!"

Nail Biting

Two women were discussing their husbands over tea.

“I do wish that my Husband would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous.”

“My William used to do the same thing,” the older woman replied. “But I broke him of the habit.”

“How?”

“I hid his teeth.”

Telling lie

Telling a lie is...

.....Fault for a little boy
.....an Art for a lover
.....an Accomplishment for a bachelor
.....and a Matter of survival for a married man